Bella's letter
by xtwilightluverx
Summary: Bella writes a letter to Edward on his old email, thinking he'll never read it, but when he does, can he see that love is all that matters and take a risk with Bella?
1. Broken

Bella's Letter

Bella writes a letter to Edward on his old email, thinking he'll never read it, but when he does, can he see that love is all that matters and take a risk with Bella?

Bella's POV-

It got tiresome after writing to Alice's old email address so I decided to just write to Edward's old one, knowing he wouldn't see it anyways.

I opened up my computer and waited for it to load up. Once it finally booted up I opened yahoo. I press the 'new' button and typed in Edward's old email- EMCsquared, clever vampire. I smiled as I wrote.

Dearest Edward,

Hello Edward. I know you'll never read it but it helps get some air off my chest.

How are you doing? How are your distractions? I hope you've moved on, even though my heart will always be yours, no matter if you choose it not to be.

You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Not being changed into a vampire-not that I would ever know how that feels- I think its giving all your love to someone who will never return it. I was a stupid naïve girl who had her hopes to high, and I'm sorry for burdening you like that.

I'm not asking you to say 'I love you', talk about your feelings, look me in the eye, and say hello. Why? Because, don't say I love you, if you don't really care, never talk about your feelings if they aren't really there, don't look me in the eye when all you do is lie and never say hello, if you really mean goodbye. And never touch a life, if you mean to break a heart. Never do those do a girl if you move on. That's the worst feeling in the world, being led on.

Over and over, I tried. Over and over, you lied. Over and over I cried, and I don't even know why anymore.

I don't know what hurts more. Knowing you've gotten over me, or I haven't gotten over you, not will I ever.

Saying goodbye isn't the hard part, knowing you'll never be back is.

You might have the best memory, but I bet you'll never remember half the things I'll never forget.

You lied to me. You were acting. I hate that I will always love you. I won't move on.

You put on quite the show, really had me believing, curtains finally close, Very entertaining, but it's over now, Go on and take a bow. Bravo

_Now I was just typing whatever I thought_

When I look at you, my heart skips a beat. But later, the beat could mean a lifetime of tears wasted; on something I knew I could never have…

But I wouldn't consider my tears wasted, on you. I love you, and those tears were from my heart, that belongs to you.

You said you loved me, I said it too. The only thing was I didn't lie to you.

_That sentence was so true, that it hurt. I felt droplets hit my keyboard, and I thought why? Then I touch my cheeks and see my tears. Crying comes naturally to me now; I can't even feel it anymore._

Edward, I know there's nothing to discuss. There's you, and there's me but there is no US. But, I can still wish, I can still dream.

I hope your life is perfect, I really do. I love you with my entire being, so I want what's best for you. You are happy without me, and then if your happy, a part of me is too.

It got up to the point, where my heart couldn't break anymore.

You'll never find some one like me, Edward. You know why? Because no girl is stupid enough to think we would stay together. Find someone better, and if you already did, good for you!

Why do I love someone who doesn't love me in return? Why do I cry over a person who didn't hurt me? Well, people may think you did, but I say the pain you gave me was inevitable, but me, choosing to suffer, was optional. People could move on, but I don't want to. I love you and only you.

But ever now and then, my heart gives in to the hope that someday you'll comeback to my window, the alone I wake, to my own mistakes and its just a foolish game.

There is no such word as 'loved'. Love has no past tense. If you ever stopped loving someone, then you never truly loved him or her in the first place. You are quite the actor, Edward.

Sometimes I want to just die. If my heart stops beating, maybe it wont hurt this much.

You don't understand how tempting it is when I go to the kitchen and see all those shark knives. You don't understand how much I want to end my suffering. You don't understand, Edward.

When I talk to Charlie, I pretend for you. I smile like nothings wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like it's just a dream when your not here and pretend that it doesn't hurt. You are welcome.

My mom says" You have to forgive to forget and forget to feel again". I don't think that's possible.

Every time I think your name, it breaks my heart.

It's not when I look back at all the memories and good times we had that makes me sad, it's when you consider those memories nothing to you, when they mean everything to me.

There are times when I can't decide whether I want to see you or not. I want to see you because I miss you, but there are times when I don't see you, because every time that I do, the fact that you don't see me the way I see you, hurts me more.

I gave you my heart, but you decided you didn't want it anymore, but it's still yours.

Deep down I know its best for you, and me if you move on, if you already did great! But I can't stand the thought of being with someone else.

Now, when I tell all those fifteen year old girls who think they are in love, I don't say encouraging things, now I say "Don't let a guy build you up with his words, because the higher you are, the harder you fall, and trust me, you almost always fall". You inspired that, you know?

It made my heart swell and beat a million times faster when you say "I love you". Now, whether you meant it or not, is what bring me down.

Now, I hate you. Not really in that way like enemies hate each other kind of way. I think hate is just a word for somebody I love, but no longer believe in.

Whenever I bring up Renee when I talk to Charlie he always says "It was hard; but there comes a point in you life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future"

I don't believe in that. If only our end would come like that. If only I could get over you, but I can't

I guess I should've known from the distance in your eyes when you were with me, that we would come to an end.

Remember when we carved each other's initials in that tree when we were together? Well, I carved THE END next to it. You said peace without reminders, but I guess you never remembered that.

So this letter is THE END. Goodbye, Love.

Love you always,

Bella

I hit send and smiled as a breathed in, the hole coming back not as big as before.

**Finally, something productive! I love this story, though it made me cry writing it. I use quotes, as reference and I wouldn't be too surprised if you recognized one. Just please don't report me. :D Review!**

**Edward's Point of View Up next, so stay tuned.**


	2. Edward's Pain

Bella's Letter- Edward's Pain

Edward's Point of View-

Sometimes I wonder how can my heart ache if it isn't beating.

Ache couldn't cover how much pain I was in. How much desolation I was in. I lied to Bella and when she was here with me, time flew. Now, hours are like years, a second is an hour.

I fight to get through each day. Humans don't understand how long a day really is.

You could think about it in so many ways. One day could equal, twenty-four hours, one thousand four hundred forty minutes, eighty-six thousand for hundred seconds. But time, the way I see it you take them all and multiply it by infinity.

I don't hunt, so now I am a thirsty mess.

My phone rings and I sigh in utter misery as I pick up.

It's Alice I realize

"Hello, Edward" she says

"Alice" I acknowledged her.

"Go check your yahoo right now! It's like WAY important" she yelled into the phone

I sighed. "Alice, what could me so WAY important?" I ask, mocking her

"You'll see. AND DON'T MOCK ME!" she screeched. She had been so shrill since we moved.

"Fine" I muttered

"Promise?" she asked sounding pretty pathetic.

"Sure" I said, with no emotion whatsoever.

She hung up without saying goodbye and I did too.

I lifelessly moved over to the study area of my apartment and opened my laptop.

I logged into my yahoo account and checked my inbox. ONE NEW MESSAGE it read.

I clicked it and saw it was from, Bella's email. I knew she wrote to Alice but to me, she never did. With a shaking hand I clicked to open it.

It read:

Dearest Edward,

Hello Edward. I know you'll never read it but it helps get some air off my chest.

_I was tempted to stop right there. She said she didn't want me to read it, but I had to know._

How are you doing? How are your distractions? I hope you've moved on, even though my heart will always be yours, no matter if you choose it not to be.

_If I could cry, I would. It was very irritating to have a stinging sensation at the brim of my eye. She believed my lie. She believed my distractions. She hoped I would move on. But, she still loved me. _

You know what the worst feeling in the world is?

_Being away from you._

Not being changed into a vampire-not that I would ever know how that feels-

_Damn right. I would kill myself if you would experience my pain._

I think it's giving all your love to someone who will never return it. I was a stupid naïve girl who had her hopes to high, and I'm sorry for burdening you like that.

_She was blaming herself! Incredible! She was really selfless!_

I'm not asking you to say 'I love you', talk about your feelings, look me in the eye, and say hello.

_I'm confused. Why didn't she?_

Why? Because, don't say I love you, if you don't really care, never talk about your feelings if they aren't really there, don't look me in the eye when all you do is lie and never say hello, if you really mean goodbye. And never touch a life, if you mean to break a heart. Never do those do a girl if you move on. That's the worst feeling in the world, being led on.

_I broke her. She was giving me advice on how to treat a girl! Why must she be so perfect and sincere when I need to be yelled at? I need her to call me every mean word in every single language, not this. Anything but this. This hurt so much…_

Over and over, I tried. Over and over, you lied. Over and over I cried, and I don't even know why anymore.

_She cried for me. She thought I lied about loving her. My poor Bella._

I don't know what hurts more. Knowing you've gotten over me, or I haven't gotten over you, not will I ever.

_Me dear Bella, only if you knew I didn't get over you. Get over me, forget about me. Grow up, get married, have children. Don't waste your time on me._

Saying goodbye isn't the hard part, knowing you'll never be back is.

_I want nothing more than to go to Forks and see you Bella._

You might have the best memory, but I bet you'll never remember half the things I'll never forget.

_How foolish. That's the only thing I do. Remembering you, my love._

You lied to me. You were acting. I hate that I will always love you. I won't move on.

_I didn't lie to Bella about loving her. _

_She hates that she won't move on. I hope she does and forgets about me…_

You put on quite the show, really had me believing, curtains finally close, Very entertaining, but it's over now, Go on and take a bow. Bravo.

_My poor Bella…_

When I look at you, my heart skips a beat. But later, the beat could mean a lifetime of tears wasted; on something I knew I could never have…

_You could've had me forever, my dear. But, I wouldn't risk your life for my happiness. I'm so sorry._

But I wouldn't consider my tears wasted, on you. I love you, and those tears were from my heart, that belongs to you.

_Bella, I am so sorry. Have a great life, but it can't be with me… I love you. _

You said you loved me, I said it too. The only thing was I didn't lie to you.

_Agony. Pure agony. If only Bella knew I didn't lie to her. _

Edward, I know there's nothing to discuss. There's you, and there's me but there is no US. But, I can still wish, I can still dream.

_I want nothing more than to make Bella's dream come true, but I can't_

I hope your life is perfect, I really do. I love you with my entire being, so I want what's best for you. You are happy without me, and then if your happy, a part of me is too.

_Bella… Why do you have to be so warmhearted? I didn't deserve you when we were together._

It got up to the point, where my heart couldn't break anymore.

_Why did I choose to read this? It would be much easier to think that Bella has moved on and doesn't want me anymore…_

You'll never find some one like me, Edward. You know why? Because no girl is stupid enough to think we would stay together. Find someone better, and if you already did, good for you!

_How can she think that? _

Why do I love someone who doesn't love me in return? Why do I cry over a person who didn't hurt me? Well, people may think you did, but I say the pain you gave me was inevitable, but me, choosing to suffer, was optional. People could move on, but I don't want to. I love you and only you.

_Bella! Move on! Forget about me. I did hurt you and I deserve to go to hell, for hurting an angel._

But ever now and then, my heart gives in to the hope that someday you'll comeback to my window, then alone I wake, to my own mistakes and it's just a foolish game.

_Someday I promise I'll see you. _

There is no such word as 'loved'. Love has no past tense. If you ever stopped loving someone, then you never truly loved him or her in the first place. You are quite the actor, Edward.

_I'm no actor. I'm a liar. I didn't lie to you about loving you, if only you knew…_

Sometimes I want to just die. If my heart stops beating, maybe it wont hurt this much.

_Trust me Bella, it will still hurt, a ton. _

You don't understand how tempting it is when I go to the kitchen and see all those shark knives. You don't understand how much I want to end my suffering. You don't understand, Edward.

_I gasped. Bella wanted to kill herself! Over my undead body, Bella!_

When I talk to Charlie, I pretend for you. I smile like nothings wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like it's just a dream when your not here and pretend that it doesn't hurt. You are welcome.

_She lied for me, I don't deserve you, Bella. Move on, it's best for you…_

My mom says" You have to forgive to forget and forget to feel again". I don't think that's possible.

_Forgive me Bella, forget about me Bella, let other people into your heart, Bella._

Every time I think your name, it breaks my heart.

_When I think your name, I think Beautiful, angel, the key to my heart._

It's not when I look back at all the memories and good times we had that makes me sad, it's when you consider those memories nothing to you, when they mean everything to me.

_Bella, they mean the world to me. Our memories are the only thing that I hold dear to my heart when I'm not with you._

There are times when I can't decide whether I want to see you or not. I want to see you because I miss you, but there are times when I don't see you, because every time that I do, the fact that you don't see me the way I see you, hurts me more.

_Bella, how can you love me? I'm a monster! I killed so many people, and you could be the next one…_

I gave you my heart, but you decided you didn't want it anymore, but it's still yours.

_I want nothing more than treasure your heart, my love._

Deep down I know its best for you, and me if you move on, if you already did great! But I can't stand the thought of being with someone else.

_Neither can I, but it is for the best, so please do move on._

Now, when I tell all those fifteen year old girls who think they are in love, I don't say encouraging things, now I say "Don't let a guy build you up with his words, because the higher you are, the harder you fall, and trust me, you almost always fall". You inspired that, you know?

_I'm so sorry, Bella. So, so sorry._

It made my heart swell and beat a million times faster when you say "I love you". Now, whether you meant it or not, is what bring me down.

_Bella, if only you knew, I did mean it. Every single time I said those three words,_

Now, I hate you. Not really in that way like enemies hate each other kind of way. I think hate is just a word for somebody I love, but no longer believe in.

_I wish you did, love. I truly do, but please move on…_

_I would've loved to see your future, I envy Alice. I would love to see how you look in thirty years._

I don't believe in that. If only our end would come like that. If only I could get over you, but I can't

_Please do, please._

I guess I should've known from the distance in your eyes when you were with me, that we would come to an end.

_I'm sorry for that. Please Bella, forgive me._

Remember when we carved each other's initials in that tree when we were together? Well, I carved THE END next to it. You said peace without reminders, but I guess you never remembered that.

_Of course I remembered that, dear. I just wanted some reminder of me with you. Like those pictures and tickets._

So this letter is THE END. Goodbye, Love.

Love you always,

Bella

_I'm so sorry. Goodbye Love. I promise, I'll see you one day. _

_I'll find you. I'll tell you I love you. I promise, I swear._

**Um, I'm not entirely proud with this… I don't know why. Well, at least I tried. I couldn't capture Edward's pain without it sounding cliché. –sighs-**

**Bye guys.**

This is a really sad story, so in order for you not to be sad after you read it, please read the next 'inspirational' quotes~

**Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.**

**The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.**

**Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils**

**Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!**

**:D **


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